A Tribute to My Mother

(Our parents have a great influence in our lives... we have Daddy’s girl and Mama’s boy. I am who I am because of my mother.)

I never once imagined or thought of my life without you. Now, you’re not well and I find myself reminiscing. I will always remember you in the lessons I learned from you.

You taught me to always look my best. I remember wearing pretty dresses with petticoats and ribbons especially made by Mary Esteban even just for Sunday mass. Party dresses were made even more special. Even as I grew older, you made me wear the finest dresses by Lorenzo. I will never forget that New Year’s Eve when I cried as you wouldn’t let me go out unless I wore the long dress you ordered for me. I guess you just wanted me to look the best I could ever be. You made me feel special as you excitedly helped me pick out my wedding dress, a simply elegant white gown designed by Malu Veloso with beads and sequins scattered on my long veil, softly glowing as I walked down the aisle illuminated by candle lights. I looked beautiful on my wedding day only because you chose the best artist for my hair and makeup. Most importantly, you taught me never to neglect myself even as I was already a wife and mother.

You taught me the joy of cooking. I remember helping you prepare our annual Christmas dinner since I was a child. I would mash sausages for your galantina until they were very fine, dice potatoes and cut chicken inch by inch, chop onions until tears fell from my eyes and mix these with other ingredients until my arms ached, careful not to mash them for that perfect chicken salad. I patiently drained each can of fruit cocktail and watched you prepare your own natilla, mix them together and crown your salad with swirls of cream, peaches and bright red cherries. I remember going with you to market during one New Year we spent in Baguio. I helped you prepare our meals, some of them very rich that Reggie couldn’t get out of bed one morning from all the food he ate. Of course, who can forget your special lengua, tender to the bite, melting in your mouth as it mixed with the flavors of white wine, mushrooms and capers. But I also marveled at how you could turn a simple soup into something very delicious.

I eventually took it up on my own, attending cooking lessons, the first one given by Tita Leni as her wedding present to me. I experimented with dishes, mixing instant tortellini with my own sauce until you passed on to me your pasta maker. I now truly enjoy cooking new dishes as I prepare our annual New Year dinner. You make me feel proud as you tell everyone each time that I’ve turned out to be a better cook.

You taught me to be independent. I remember you sending Vikki and I off on our first trip to the United States just before college. Although you made sure we had a place to stay, we were still left to plan our day, asking our aunts to help us book our tours, take us to the bus station and pick us up when we returned. I will always remember roaming around Disneyland by ourselves, at times separating from each other when we had our petty fights. We kept clicking away with our cameras only to discover upon our return that most of our pictures resembled post cards, with neither of us in them.

You taught me the value of education. I remember going to the University of the Philippines against my wishes even if I wasn’t accepted in my program of choice and was sent to the campus in Manila. I knew you only wanted the best for me. I stayed on but decided to pursue my other passions after I graduated. You became proud of me as I followed your footsteps and topped my airline training course. You became proud of me as I joined a group art exhibit with a few of my paintings, one of which prominently displayed and illuminated by the entrance, after having attended summer workshops, one of them with Tita Carol under the late Ibarra de la Rosa. You became proud of me when I finished my Interior Design classes with flying colors and applied what I learned in decorating your home, building my own beach house, designing Twinkie’s condominium and starting Booboop off on her renovation, choosing colors to match each one’s personality. You became proud of me as I now share my talent, teaching arts and crafts to underprivileged children. You became proud of me when I let you read my vignettes, each one written straight from the heart after attending a very enjoyable creative writing workshop. In everything I pursued, you made me proud of my small accomplishments.

It’s funny how you even approved of our boyfriends not by their looks but by their intelligence. And this is why you highly respect Reggie and have a special bond with him as he can outsmart you with his charm and intelligence.

You taught me hard work and perseverance. I remember burning the midnight oil as I studied for exams in college and finished my plates for my interior design classes even as I was too tired. I drank black coffee, cup after cup, savoring its heavy aroma as my eyelids became heavier partially covering my eyes like window shades. I demonstrated the same zest as I worked in a mortgage banking firm in the United States and at the New Zealand Embassy on my return, giving me confidence as I got promoted on both occasions. I continued to give my best as I became actively involved as a Parent Coordinator for Rianna’s batch in school and organized two major events, her Junior Prom and Graduation Dinner which she truly enjoyed. What better assurance can I get than when she approached me before she left the dinner and said “Thanks, Mom! That was so cool!” In all these, I realized that hard work pays off.

You taught me unconditional love. Even as words were not exchanged, you let me feel your love every time I read each card you gave me on every occasion. I want you to know how much I love you too. I can vividly see you standing at the bookstore, reading countless cards until you picked the right one with the words you wanted to say. I am angry at myself for not remembering where I placed them or did I even keep them? I just hope they will resurface one day among my piles of paper. I remember how you made me feel special as you personally baked my wedding cake, an old-fashioned fruit cake richly aged with brandy. I remember how you traveled to the United States to be by my side as I delivered Rianna and patiently played with Gino even as he jumped on your back and pulled the rollers off your hair. You even gifted me with strands of pearls twisted and clasped together with multi-colored stones set in gold. I felt so proud wearing it as I returned to work after my maternity leave. I have passed on this love to all my children, loving each of them dearly regardless of their achievements. I nurture and guide them, teaching them to follow their heart and be the best of what they want to be. And even as my marriage failed, my counselor reminded Reggie that he loved me because I let him be just himself.

You taught me to have great determination. I saw this in you as you recovered from your stroke. You refused to believe your doctor when he told you it will take some time before you could walk again. Even as you crawled on your knees and pulled yourself up against the wall each time you stumbled, you never lost hope. You proved your doctor wrong! And even as you are now on maintenance medication and at times you do not feel well, it’s amazing how you still manage to keep yourself fairly strong by engaging in what seems to be your form of exercise - cleaning your own house.

You taught me to be strong in times of trouble and to fight and stand for my rights. You worry that I might suffer the same fate as yours. Life is all about choices. I choose to be strong as I go through my marital breakup, seeking counseling for my own healing, accepting each other’s mistakes and moving on to become a better person. “Remember you gave me a book entitled ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’?” You may not know it but that book made me even stronger as it taught me how to keep myself deeply anchored on my values. You continue to make me see what is right and wrong and to rightfully hold on to my dignity.

You taught me forgiveness. Even if it took some time for you and Papa to become friends again, I see that love you once had for him when we’re all together each Saturday night. You continue to care for him, making sure you prepare a special dish for him and serve him at dinner. You have learned to accept his daughter, sending her gifts personally hand picked by you and inviting her to join us on special occasions. I have chosen to forgive Reggie and myself for all our faults but there is still that longing for complete healing which only God can give.

You taught me to enjoy life’s little pleasures even as we continue to age. I am so happy that we now manage to spend short vacations together. Baguio will always be your favorite place but you completely surprised me when you decided to join us in Boracay. I will always appreciate the fact that even if you never really enjoyed the beach, you agreed to come to be with us. Shopping for trinkets was your favorite pastime and you even made me feel like a special child once again when you gifted me with the very pretty sarong pants. Again, you made me look my best! I hope one day you can come with me when I visit Rianna in Cornell so we can bond again and share everything that’s special to us.

It’s funny how people say I’ve turned out to be the most like you. I just wish others would accept us for what we are and not what they want us to be. If people were to ask me what I want to change in me if I were to be reincarnated, I would say “Nothing!” Everything I learned, I learned from you. I am who I am because of you.