Of Dreams and Memories

Lately I have been thinking of weddings and what has become of our marriages.

Often times, we hear a sigh when we learn of a couple headed towards “Splitsville”. “But they had the most extravagant, romantic wedding!” we exclaim. It is as if we expect the wedding to predict the success of a marriage. I look back at my sisters’ and my own wedding and try to decipher whether there is indeed some truth to this.

I had the biggest wedding. Ever so young and naïve, I was lost in a sea of guests, most of whom I didn’t know. I had the most beautiful veil, elegant in its simplicity, only to get muddy after a heavy rain. There were candles atop each floral arrangement along the aisle to be lit as I walked down, only to be extinguished even before I passed them by.

In stark contrast, my eldest sister had the smallest wedding. Also very young, she only had the immediate family at a very simple ceremony in the neighborhood church. There were no lovely flowers to greet her. On the contrary it felt creepy seeing a few funeral wreaths on one side of the church! Devoid of any glamour and the accompanying trappings, it didn’t make it any less binding. After all, it is the same cake, only without the icing.

My second sister, the middle child, as if true to a psychologist’s view that they have the tendency to assert themselves, had a wedding non-traditional during her time. Marrying at a late age after first establishing her medical career, she confidently walked down the aisle with no one by her side. As if declaring her independence to everyone in attendance, to this day it has been very accurate of her distinct character.

In following tradition, it is said that the bride must wear something old, new, borrowed and blue - something old to ensure continuity with the past and the bride’s family, something new to symbolize optimism for the bride’s new life, something borrowed for good fortune to be carried over to the bride. But of course this has to come from a happily married friend or family. And lastly, something blue to represent purity and innocence. Is this however still applicable in today’s society? For after all some people say that a man cannot demand his bride to be a virgin if he himself cannot keep on his chastity belt!

I don’t even remember if any of us followed this tradition. I have never believed in superstition nor mere coincidences but among our marriages, only mine didn’t survive.

Did I get lost in trying to be the best in the multiple roles I was expected to take? Should my guiding light have not been extinguished to show me the way? I would have wanted to hand down my beautiful veil to my daughter if only it were not soiled. But I now shudder at the thought that my misfortune might be carried over to her.

Should we really then expect more out of a big wedding only to be disappointed later on? I have heard some people say that if you enter a marriage with a lot of expectations, your marriage will be doomed. To this I can only say do not enter marriage looking for happiness. You alone can make yourself happy. Your spouse is someone to share your happiness with, not someone from whom to derive the same.

As I have been thinking of weddings, I have just received a beautiful wedding invitation booklet. True to the couple’s profession, it is very well researched – historical, informative, inviting. One looks forward to experience more than just the wedding. There are blank pages thrown into the booklet, it makes one wonder… until you reach the end. An insert falls out and as you read it you all at once understand. It says:

“Feel free to fill the blank pages of this book-invitation
with your Singapore experiences.
Clip a snap or two!
See you at the wedding and let’s make beautiful
memories!”

Just like the blank pages, there will be countless days ahead to make beautiful memories, to share each other’s happiness, to weave dreams together. Days to look back to when the waters get rough, to encourage you to weather every storm and keep you on course until the calm returns.

Just like a book, you write your own ending.